life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
