if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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