Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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