apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
