I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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