My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
