worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
