I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
