You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
