I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
