I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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