he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
