I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
