Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am available for nakedness
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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