I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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