Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
