I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
