I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
