YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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