remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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