he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
