He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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