at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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