I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
