im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
