After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i think i just lost a toe
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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