She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
