i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
