I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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