so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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