She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
