Your tits are I can't wait for
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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