Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
