i think my mom watched the whole time
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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