Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
