The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
