Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
