if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't turn off my feet"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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