Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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