that's an acceptable place to lick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
