I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
