hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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