And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Randomize
