I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
