and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
