And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
