i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
