I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
