I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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