I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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