I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
