You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
